From Holiday Chaos to Calm(ish) - A Guide for Overwhelmed Women

Published: Dec 8, 2025

Picture this: It's December 22nd, you're at the mall for the third time this week, standing in the holiday aisle feeling completely overwhelmed. Your mom's expecting that elaborate Christmas dinner, your kids want the "perfect" holiday experience, and you're already exhausted just thinking about coordinating everyone's schedules on top of year end work deadlines. 

Sound familiar?

If you're a woman juggling aging parents, teenagers, work deadlines, and the pressure to create magical holidays for everyone else, this video is for you. I'm Catherine Avery ADHD Coach, and today we're talking about how to go from holiday chaos to what I like to call "Holiday Calm-ish" - because let's be real, perfection isn't the goal here.

Before we dive in, if you’re navigating midlife ADHD, caregiving, and the pressure to hold everyone’s holidays together, you’re in the right place. I create videos to help you find calm, clarity, and energy—one tab at a time.

If that speaks to you, go ahead and click the subscribe button, so you don’t miss new videos.

What if I told you there's a holiday trap that catches almost every woman in her 40s and 50s - and most of us don't even realize we're in it until we're drowning?

Picture this: You're an air traffic controller at the world's busiest airport during a snowstorm. Planes circling everywhere - your teenager's Christmas needs are coming in hot, your mom's doctor appointments are requesting immediate landing, your mother-in-law's dinner expectations are hovering in a holding pattern, and Instagram is broadcasting emergency instructions to make everything look magazine-perfect. 

But here's the thing. You're not safely in the control tower. You're standing on the runway trying to direct all this holiday traffic while planes are landing right on top of you.

That's the Holiday Expectation Trap. We become air traffic control for everyone else's holiday happiness while we're getting run over in the process. Research shows women already take on 70% more holiday tasks than men, but for those of us in midlife? That number skyrockets because we're not just managing our kids' Christmas lists; we're also coordinating our parents' holiday needs, managing three generations of expectations.

And somehow we've convinced ourselves that if we just work faster, plan better, Pinterest our way to perfection, we can safely land every single holiday demand.

But here's what nobody talks about: What happens when the air traffic controller crashes? Because I learned the hard way that this system has a breaking point - and it almost broke me...

Let me share something personal with you. Ten years ago, I was diagnosed with cancer right before Thanksgiving. Suddenly, all those elaborate holiday plans I'd been making - the perfect decorations, the homemade everything, the hosting multiple gatherings - none of it seemed important anymore.

Here's what I realized in that doctor's office: Meeting everyone's holiday expectations creates exhaustion, but honoring your own values creates connection. 

When you're constantly trying to meet everyone else's definition of the "perfect" holiday, here's what happens:

You experience decision fatigue from trying to coordinate everyone's preferences. You feel guilty when you can't do "all the things." You end up resentful instead of joyful during what should be the most meaningful time of the year with our loved ones.

Many women I work with tell me they need a vacation after the holidays just to recover. That's not how it's supposed to work. That used to be me too!

The truth is, when we operate from other people's expectations instead of our own values, we create holidays that look good on Instagram but leave us feeling empty and exhausted. 

So here's what I learned during that difficult holiday season: I'd been holiday planning like I was running someone else's marathon. Following their route, their pace, their finish line. But chemo and radiation was already a marathon and I wasn’t going to be left with merry elf energy.

That's when I started asking: 'What do I actually want my daughter to remember?' Not what Pinterest says. Not what my mother-in-law expects. What do I want?

It's like Marie Kondo for holidays, except instead of asking 'Does this spark joy?' you ask 'Does this spark the memories I want to create?' The handmade cookies? Stressful. The movie night in pajamas? Pure magic.

When you get clear on YOUR holiday values first, every decision becomes easier. You're not saying yes to everyone else's idea of perfect; you're saying yes to what actually matters to your family. So let me show you exactly how to identify those values and turn them into your holiday game plan...