Time management greatest hits…drum roll please…
“Have you tried using a planner?”
“Just make a to-do list.”
“Why don’t you set an alarm?”
“You just need to prioritize.”
“Try getting up a little earlier.”
And my favorite (deep sarcasm because this one just makes my eye twitch):
“If it’s important, you’ll remember it.”
What do the young kids say? CRINGE
Let’s start with that last one. NO, you may not remember it even if it IS really, really important.
I learned this when my therapist no-showed for an appointment. MY appointment. The appointment where I hired a babysitter because I couldn’t bring the baby because he couldn’t focus. He’s a great guy and a great therapist and he really loves babies in the best of all possible ways. But serious distraction… (if that wasn’t the most ADHD run on paragraph ever…)
This was right around the time I really wanted to scream: “For the love of all things holy, go get an ADHD test!” But I didn’t because I was nicer (meeker like “just be a nice girl”) back then.
He did get an ADHD test. He got the help he needed. He didn’t miss another session thankfully.
Funny, how long before I knew I had ADHD, I recognized it in him.
Mirror, mirror…? Pot…kettle?
And yet, when we talk about ADHD and time, we tend to focus almost exclusively on how to manage it better.
- Calendars.
- Timers.
- Time blocking.
- Prioritizing.
- Estimating how long something will take and then discovering that our brains are in an alternate universe where we have no idea if it’s going to take 10 minutes, 10 hours or 10 days, because time blindness is real y’all.
These are all useful things.
I teach all of them.
But what I talk about most with my clients is Energy.
Because you can have two completely empty hours on your calendar and still have absolutely nothing left in the tank, the gas station is closed, and
An empty calendar doesn't mean an available human
Let's say you look at your calendar and discover you have two glorious open hours this afternoon.
Woohoo!
Think of everything you can get done.
Except you've already had three Zoom calls.
You slept like dreck. I’m still adjusting to the Teletubby meets Darth Vadar mask just to get some air (how’s that for a visual?).
You've made approximately 47 decisions before breakfast.
Your brain has spent the day filtering distractions, remembering things, forgetting things, remembering that you forgot the things, and trying not to interrupt people when you already know what they're going to say.
And someone you love needs a little extra support right now. I can name mine. She lost her mother this spring and her dad is in his last days. I’ve known her and her family for 40 years.
Oh wait, I lost the plot. Back to you and your open two hours on the calendar.
TWO GLORIOUS FREE HOURS!
Technically, you have the time.
But are they really free?
And do you have the energy?
Two super important questions to ask yourself before you choose how to fill them.
Fifteen minutes isn't always fifteen minutes
This is one of the reasons I think traditional time management can be so frustrating for ADHD brains.
Tasks don't cost us what the clock says they cost.
Calling to make a doctor's appointment may take five minutes.
It can also take three days of thinking about making the five-minute phone call.
Meanwhile, give me something I'm wildly interested in and I can look up three hours later wondering why it's dark outside and whether I remembered to eat lunch or go to the bathroom.
Time is weird over here in neurozesty land.
And so is the energy cost of using it.
Think about the different kinds of energy a task might require.
- Focus.
- Decision-making.
- Emotional regulation.
- Creativity.
- Dealing with other humans.
- Starting something boring.
- Stopping something fascinating.
- Transitions.
Oh, transitions. Getting yourself out the door can be its own damn project.
Y’all that list hits all the executive functions that we ADHDers struggle with.
Two tasks that each take 30 minutes on paper may require completely different amounts of energy from you.
Your calendar can't show you that.
And then midlife enters the chat
Because apparently ADHD wasn't enough fun.
Now add midlife.
- Maybe you're caring for aging parents while still parenting children.
- Maybe you're running a business or working a demanding job.
- Maybe you're navigating menopause.
- Maybe your body has decided sleep is merely a suggestion.
- Maybe there's grief.
- Health stuff.
- A move.
- Relationship changes.
- Retirement questions.
- Or just the accumulated exhaustion of being a human for this many decades.
The mental load doesn't politely disappear because your Google Calendar says you have an opening at 2:00.
And yet we keep asking:
Where can I fit this in?
I'm increasingly convinced that's the wrong first question.
Try asking this instead
Before you decide what you're going to accomplish today, ask:
What do I have energy for today?
Not:
What should I be able to get done?
Definitely not:
What would somebody else get done today?
And for the love of all things holy, not:
Why can't I just do this?
What do I have energy for today?
Maybe today's a high-focus day.
Great. Use it.
Maybe you've got people energy but your concentration is shot.
Make the calls.
Maybe you've got creative energy and the idea you've been wrestling with suddenly wants to come out.
Run with it.
And maybe your executive function has packed a tiny suitcase and left for Aruba.
Essentials only.
This isn't an excuse to ignore everything you don't feel like doing.
I wish.
There will always be things that need to get done whether our brains have voted yes or not.
The point is to include your actual capacity in the equation.
Give yourself an energy budget
Try this for a week.
Before you make your daily to-do list, check your tank.
Nothing complicated. We do not need a color-coded spreadsheet assessing your energy in six categories. Unless spreadsheets bring you joy. In which case, knock yourself out.
For everyone else:
High: I've got some juice today.
Medium: Functional, but let's not get carried away.
Low: Essentials only, please.
Then look at what you're asking yourself to do.
Does the list bear any resemblance whatsoever to the energy available?
Because if you're having a low-energy day and you've planned six things requiring intense concentration, decision-making and interaction with other humans, we have a problem.
But the problem isn't that you're bad at time management.
Your energy budget simply doesn't cover the plan.
Something has to give. Best if it’s not you. Trust me all of this “doing” is a quick path to burnout. Been there, did that, got the t-shirt.
I’m still unlearning productivity
Oh my word, the puritan work ethic runs strong in my family.
This semi-sabbatical is teaching
Not every ounce of your available energy needs to be converted into productivity.
I know. I said it.
I'll give you a minute. This one is hard for me too.
Here it is again: Not every ounce of your available energy needs to be converted into productivity.
If I have energy, my instinct is to use it.
Get something done.
Get ahead.
There's a blank spot on the calendar? Excellent. What can we put there?
Grass does not grow under my feet. Betting it doesn’t under yours either.
Here’s a rest to do list (choose what you like, leave the rest).
- Read something completely useless and delightful.
- Go for a walk.
- Play.
- Call someone because you actually want to talk to them.
- Sit outside.
- Do absolutely nothing.
- You can even leave some energy unspent. I know, I know, the horror!
But imagine what your life would be like if you skip the productivity system, stop squeezing the maximum possible output, and leave something for yourself. It’s not selfish I promise. It’s self care.
One thing to try tomorrow
Before you look at your to-do list, ask:
What do I have energy for today?
Then let the answer matter.
You don't have to reorganize your entire life around it.
You may not even have the luxury of doing less that day.
But you can stop pretending that an open hour automatically means you have an hour's worth of yourself available to give to work, a project, or someone else. Really you don’t have to put another load of laundry in right this minute.
Time matters. So does the human trying to manage it.
Do less when you can. Give yourself grace when you can't.
