Because you don’t need more willpower — you need more grace.
There was a trunk sitting in Molly’s house for years.
Inside it? Hundreds of medical records from her daughter’s birth — surgeries, hospital notes, insurance forms. Every time she looked at it, her chest tightened. So she closed the lid and told herself, “Later.”
But later never came.
That trunk became more than a storage container. It became a symbol — of avoidance, overwhelm, and the quiet shame that so many women with ADHD carry.
Because here’s the thing: ADHD brains don’t just avoid tasks. They avoid emotions attached to those tasks — the fear, grief, frustration, and guilt buried beneath the to-do list.
When Avoidance Meets Shame
When her daughter needed another round of surgeries, Molly knew she had to open that trunk. She needed to find old reports and records for the new doctors. But as soon as she thought about it, the shame spiral kicked in.
“Why can’t I just do this?”
“Everyone else would have this handled.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
Nothing was wrong with her. She was overwhelmed, exhausted, and alone.
This is how shame works in the ADHD brain. It sneaks in quietly, whispering that your struggles are personal failures instead of understandable reactions. It tells you that willpower should fix everything — when what you really need is compassion.ā€‹
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How Compassion Changed Everything
When Molly came to coaching, she finally had a place to bring that story — and that trunk.
As part of our Get More Done accountability group, instead of advice or judgment, she was met with empathy.
Instead of “Just start,” she heard, “What would make this feel safe enough to start?”
She would bring out one small pile of papers. during Productivity Power Hour, she brought out a small pile of papers. No pressure. No criticism. Just gentle accountability.
We held space for her emotions — the frustration, the grief, and the relief that came from being understood.
And somewhere along the way, something shifted.
She looked up one afternoon and said,
I just wanted to acknowledge the feeling of gratitude that washed over me as I walked into this room just now. A mostly clear desk and nothing on the floor. I have come so far in just two months with your help guiding me to manage my stuff and get my sh*t together. This has been three years now of getting nowhere, til now! Finally...progress! Thank you so much. grateful
That’s the heart of self-compassion. It’s not about ignoring mistakes or lowering standards. It’s about giving yourself the same understanding you’d offer someone you love.
And it’s how ADHD women begin to heal — by replacing shame with safety, and isolation with belonging.
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5 ADHD-Friendly Ways to Practice Self-Compassion
You don’t need a total mindset makeover to start showing yourself grace. You just need small, ADHD-friendly shifts that work with your brain instead of against it.
Here are five ways to begin.
1. Name the Emotion Before the Task
When you feel resistance, pause and ask, “What feels hard about this?”
Often, it’s not the task itself that’s overwhelming — it’s the emotion tied to it. Maybe it’s fear of failure. Maybe it’s grief. Maybe it’s simply exhaustion.
Naming the emotion helps regulate your nervous system. It transforms “I’m lazy” into “I’m scared — and that’s okay.” Once your brain feels safe, action becomes possible again.
2. Break It Into Micro-Steps
ADHD brains thrive on momentum — not marathon sessions.
Instead of tackling the whole project, focus on one micro-step.
Ten minutes.
One folder.
Five emails.
That’s it.
You’ll be amazed how relief starts to build when progress feels doable. These small wins aren’t just productivity tricks; they’re compassion in motion.
3. Find a Safe Space
Doing hard things alone often keeps you stuck. Connection helps your nervous system settle, which makes it easier to focus and follow through.
Whether it’s a friend, a coach, or a supportive community, find a space where you feel safe enough to show up imperfectly.
That’s why our Get More Done Accountability Group exists — to make progress safe again. When people understand your wiring, they can mirror back grace until you see your own brilliance.
4. Notice the Win — Any Win
Perfectionism is shame’s favorite disguise. It keeps you chasing “enough” instead of noticing what’s already working.
Start celebrating effort, not outcome.
Did you open the folder? That’s progress.
Did you rest when you were exhausted? That’s self-respect.
Did you show up to try again? That’s courage.
Compassion celebrates the process. Every step counts — especially the small ones.
5. Borrow Compassion Until It’s Yours
If self-kindness feels impossible right now, that’s okay.
Borrow it.
Let someone else’s belief in you — a friend, mentor, or community — hold space until you can believe it yourself.
That’s exactly what Molly did. Over time, she didn’t need us to remind her she was doing great. She knew it.
That’s how compassion grows: first borrowed, then built.
The Real Power of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion and belonging aren’t luxuries for people with ADHD — they’re lifelines.
Without them, every system, planner, and productivity tool just becomes another way to measure how we “fail.”
But when compassion becomes the foundation, everything changes:
- Tasks shrink to human size.
- Mistakes become lessons, not proof of failure.
- Rest becomes strategy, not guilt.
That’s what we mean when we say You’re Not Broken — You’re Brilliant.
Molly’s trunk wasn’t a story about disorganization — it was a story about survival, healing, and hope.
And maybe your version of that trunk — the pile of paper, the messy inbox, the undone project — isn’t a sign of failure either. Maybe it’s just waiting for a little compassion to unlock your next step.
Start Small. Start Kind. Start Here.
If this story resonates with you, you’re not alone.
In the Get More Done Accountability Group, we pair structure with softness, so progress feels safe, not pressured. You’ll learn to break tasks into micro-steps, celebrate wins, and practice the kind of self-compassion that rewires your relationship with productivity.
Because grace isn’t the opposite of growth — it’s what makes growth sustainable.
You don’t need more willpower.
You need more belonging.
And that starts with one small, kind step today.
Ready to put the SENSE method into action?
You’ll learn that and so many other amazing strategies and have access to the Get More Done accountability group in ADHD Focus Framework: Join Here
