Labor Day weekend, we took a boat tour around Assateague Island to see the famous wild ponies. And of course, my ADHD brain went straight to: systems.
Stay with me here — because those ponies turned out to be the perfect metaphor for why one-size-fits-all systems never work for ADHD women in midlife.
The Herds and the Boundaries
On Assateague, the ponies aren’t roaming wild with no structure.
- There are fences dividing them into different zones — Maryland, Virginia, the National Park.
- Within those zones, ponies live in family groups that stick together.
- Each herd has its own rhythm, its own way of surviving in the same environment.
Here’s the twist most visitors don’t realize: these ponies do get support from humans. Vet checks, population control through a March census and contraception, and the famous annual pony swim. Keeping humans at a distance is part of the system too.
That day, I also noticed one older stallion grazing alone. Strong, but isolated. Our guide explained he may have been pushed out by a younger male. It was a reminder of how much harder it is to make it on your own without support.
What struck me most was this: even in the same ecosystem, each herd finds its own way. There’s no one “right” way to be a wild pony. But they definitely need a herd.
And those fences? They aren’t cages. They’re boundaries that give the herds space to thrive.
What This Means for ADHDers
Now let’s take this from ponies to people.
If you’re a midlife ADHD woman (or frankly any gender), you’ve probably been sold one-size-fits-all systems:
- The “perfect” planner.
- The app that’s going to change your life.
- The miracle morning routine.
And when they don’t work? You blame yourself. Lazy. Messy. Behind.
But here’s the truth: just like those pony families, our systems have to be custom.
- Some of us thrive with digital calendars, others with sticky notes.
- Some need daily structure, others work better in weekly or seasonal rhythms.
- Some need accountability partners, others rely on visual cues or timers.
Your brain, your responsibilities, your season of life — they all shape your “herd.” Of course your system needs to look different.
Sometimes that herd looks like a supportive community that helps you tackle the hardest tasks. That’s exactly why I created my Get More Done Accountability group. It’s not about white-knuckling through overwhelming tasks alone — it’s about being cheered on, supported, and reminded you don’t have to do it all by yourself.
The September Reset
September always carries a “back-to-school” energy — even if your kids are grown. Fresh starts. Sharpened pencils. New routines.
But instead of forcing yourself into someone else’s perfect plan this fall, what if you built a fence that actually fits you?
Systems aren’t cages that lock you down. (I know many of us ADHDers bristle at anything that feels like a cage!) But boundaries can create structure, freedom, and breathing room.
Custom systems can honor:
- Your energy — some days are sprints, some are slow walks.
- Your season of life — sandwich-generation chaos, empty nest quiet, or the in-between.
- Your strengths and challenges — whether you need visual reminders, accountability, or lots of flexibility.
And like the ponies, you don’t have to do it alone. Support isn’t weakness. It’s part of the system.
The Takeaway
There’s no one-size-fits-all ADHD system. What works for your friend, your boss, or your daughter might not work for you — and that’s not failure. That’s biology.
Custom systems are what let you thrive in your own zone, with your own herd, in your own season.
So this September, as the world sharpens its pencils and flips the calendar page, maybe your best reset isn’t about starting over. Maybe it’s about building systems that actually fit.
Because systems aren’t about perfection.
They’re about freedom.
Ready to learn more about systems to help you move forward this September?
Join me for the free masterclass Start. Stop. Repeat. on Monday 15 September at 4pm ET.
