I'm back after an amazing 3 day weekend off. My brother and his girlfriend visited and we did all kinds of summer beach things. Heaven.
I'm all rested and on fire today, so let's get back to mending our nets before the storm. Not because something is wrong. But because someday you'll need those nets to hold.
Let’s talk about your home net, the one that quietly holds your life together, and about how to start mending.
None of us likes to imagine a time when someone else would need to step into our life. We don't like thinking about illness. An accident. Surgery. A family emergency. Or simply getting older.
So we put off the paperwork.
We'll get to the will someday.
We'll organize the accounts someday.
We'll write down the passwords someday.
We'll figure out the power of attorney paperwork someday.
That’s a whole lot of "someday" and sadly, ever so quietly someday can become years.
We created this summer challenge because one of my clients mentioned it and I thought “me too” (so zero judgment). I’m so excited because this summer she’s making it happen! She’s a complete inspiration. And yes I’m getting my paperwork together too.
Ask me how you can too, because gentle extrinsic accountability is the bomb)
As I've walked through, first, cancer (10 years cancer free woohoo!), caregiving and then the loss of members of our family's senior generation, I've learned something I wish none of us had to learn firsthand.
When someone you love is in crisis, you don't just carry your grief.
You carry a thousand super important questions.
- Which bank?
- Where's the health insurance card?
- Did they have long-term care insurance?
- Who has the key to the safe deposit box?
- Is there a second retirement account?
- Who knows the password to the phone?
- Where’s the will?
It took nearly a month to find my friend’s will when he was murdered. Even though I said I was the executor, we couldn't access his apartment (a crime scene) to find it. So his other friends created the memorial service etc. and I got no say. There wasn’t much in the will but there was enough. In retrospect, I wish he had given me the name and number of his lawyer. One phone call and I would have had what I needed.
First, may you never have to deal with the murder and crime scene of your best friend.
Second, every unanswered question becomes just another d*mn weight to carry when you’re struggling with all the feelings that come with a crisis.
That's why I no longer think of this work as getting organized. It’s more like leaving a trail of breadcrumbs. Not because Hansel and Gretel are lost today. But because one day, someone you love may have to walk a path you never wanted them to walk. And every breadcrumb you leave them makes that path a little easier.
- A list of financial accounts.
- A folder with insurance policies.
- A medical information sheet.
- A copy of your advance directive.
- The name of your attorney.
- The combination to the lockbox.
- The location of your passport.
- Your passwords and the two factor authentication info (thanks for that reminder client who’s getting so organized this summer!)
None of these things are exciting. Most of them don't feel urgent. If you have ADHD, they're exactly the kind of tasks that get pushed aside by louder, shinier, more immediate demands. Because they’re boooooorrrrrrinnnnnnnggggggg.
Me too and I get you.
Our brains are wired to respond to what's in front of us, not what might happen years and years from now.
But here's the thing.
This isn't really about paperwork. It's about love. It's about saying to the people who may someday care for you, "I know this day will be hard enough. Let me make at least this part easier." That's a gift.
Not because everything will go perfectly. It won't. But because in the middle of fear, uncertainty, or grief, you won't also have to become Inspector Clouseau (got the theme song in your head now? You’re welcome).
So this week, don't try to organize your entire life. Turn off that all or nothing button in your brain. Take a deep breath in.
Now choose just one of those breadcrumbs above and you’ll be on your way to mending the home net. My high school English teacher would be horrified to know I’m mixing metaphors (thanks for teaching me the rules Dr Cole so I can break them). Y'all, we need to spend a lot less time apologizing and a lot more time breaking the rules. Let's own it, ok?
To make it easier Cj and I made you a PDF checklist: Home Nets Checklist
Easier is what we do and who doesn’t love a bargain?
One small act of preparation. One small act of care. Because someday, someone you love may need to step into your life for a little while. And the greatest gift you can leave them isn't a perfectly organized filing cabinet. Who has time for that anyway?
But you can give them the quiet reassurance that they don't have to figure it all out alone. Because you left them some instructions!
